Relationship Attachment Model (RAM)

                                    

The Relationship Attachment Model (RAM) is something that we talked a little bit in out class one week that I found to be very vital to those in the dating world. In dating and courtship, it is so important for someone to understand the steps in making sure that they are in "love" and not just "infatuated."

Earlier I talked about the chemical side of love. It is important to understand what is going on in the brain in order to understand this model. The RAM show why people end up in such unhealthy relationships, and it also shows how to make sure you end up in a healthy relationship. In the RAM there are five ways that people bond, and there is also a close correlation to each of them.

The first is to KNOW. Knowledge of an individual will grow through quality time spent together. It is important to understand that there is a difference between quality time and just time. You don't get to know somebody by watching a movie together. You get to know them by going on walks, playing games, pretty much anything that causes you to communicate with each other. As you get to know somebody, you start to TRUST them. You cannot absolutely trust somebody unless you know them. As you trust them, you begin to RELY on them. If you cant trust them, you cant rely on them and the relationship fails. It is only when you start to rely on someone that you should start to COMMIT. Each relationship needs commitment, but each commitment needs trust and the ability to rely on each other. It is only after the commitment part that the TOUCH should go up. I cannot stress how important this one is.




Earlier when I was talking about chemical release in love, there was a lot of chemicals related to touch. Through romantic touch, such as a kiss, oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin is released. Oxytocin is the cuddle drug that makes us feel more comfortable in the arms of a loved one. This can be mistaken for trust. Dopamine is the learning drug that conditions us. This can be mistaken for knowing someone and being committed to an individual. Seritonin is the happy drug that makes everything seem okay. So it is obvious that premature touch makes it seem like each of the levels are higher than they really are, giving us an illusion of a healthy relationship. This is why it is important to follow these in order and make sure that you are concentrating on the KNOW part. Through knowing someone, we ca truly see how healthy our relationship is and through holding off on the touch we can avoid the illusions and see the relationship as it is.